The Liberation of Matthew Paul Turner: And How Music Has Been His Refuge

By Jonathan Bristow

The New York Time’s best selling author and gay dad of three on Pride, coming out, and the role music has played in his remarkable journey.

Matthew Paul Turner is living every day as his whole self.

A gift that even just a few short years ago he simply could not have fathomed.

Each day, when his feet touch the ground, he finds himself overwhelmed with immense gratitude. Because the journey to arrive here has been nothing short of extraordinary.

And truly inspiring.

We were recently gifted with the opportunity to sit down with the celebrated New York Time’s best-selling author and gay dad of three to unpack his bru-tiful journey into liberation and inner-alignment - from his childhood days spent in the grips of fundamentalist religion, to becoming the celebrated writer and activist he is today -

And how music has been salvation throughout.

Music as The Safe Space

The rebellion began with Amy Grant.

And it was a slippery slope after that.

For Matthew growing up, music was a window into a whole world of love and light and energy he longed to explore.

The only issue was that the devil really loved music too.

His parents, who were deeply involved and raised Matthew in a conservative, fundamentalist, independent Baptist church (where he evidently was witness to the burning of Barbie dolls to teach kids about hell), permitted Sandi Patty in his home.

There were no drums.

But Amy Grant on the other hand…

Matthew jokes that Amy has him to thank for going quadruple platinum with Heart In Motion, as he purchased the record over and over again, sneaking it behind his parent’s back (gasp!), each time succumbing to the fear and guilt of his possession of the audio contraband.

So sequestered was he from the popular music universe around him growing up that by the time Matthew landed at Belmont University in Nashville to pursue his dream of working in the music industry, he damn near failed his music history course, having no exposure to the Beatles, Rolling Stones, or virtually any pioneering artists whose shoulders the industry was built upon.

But as he got out on his own in his young adulthood, (mostly) free from constraint to listen to the music of his choosing to his heart’s content, Matthew began to uncover his path of liberation.

Jagged Little Pill was a revelation.

In a truly rock n’ roll moment, Matthew recalls seeing Alanis on her first run in a jam-packed little venue in Nashville, where the fire department had to bring in hoses to spray the crowd down just to keep everyone from passing out!

The transcendent experience instilled in him a life-long passion for live music.

Lilith Fair in ‘96 was also transformative. 

Being his first exposure to a large gathering of LGBTQ+ peeps and progressive activists, Matthew was equally intoxicated and terrified by the atmosphere.

Reflecting back on this coming-of-age period in his life, and how (from the privacy and safety of his car) he would belt songs like “Secrets and Lies” by on Jonatha Brooke:

“Get it on the table
Secrets and lies…”

Matthew credits music as “the place where I could be gay… and not be out.”

(Yes. Take a beat with that one... Because that is an extraordinary revelation - and one that is certain to resonate with the closeted experiences of countless others, queer or not.)

Music was the safe space in which he could become beautifully free of inhibition, expressing himself fully and openly, giving no fucks about what anyone would think of him and his flamboyance and gay joy.

Unbeknownst to him at the time, “Secrets and Lies,” (and so many songs like it) were telling his story. A true self that was bottled up in him - hidden under layers of trauma, fear and religious oppression - that was longing to be known to the world. And while it was still decades before Matthew was able to understand all of this, and “get it on the table,” in plain sight for all to see, in hindsight he credits these musical havens as the sanctuaries in which his liberation began to take shape.

Music As Salvation

For many years, Matthew had resigned himself to the fact that he would never be out.

There was no way he was going to hurt the people he loves the most in this world.

Married to his best friend, Jessica, with kids, and having built a beautiful career as a celebrated writer and author of best-selling children’s books about God, how could he ever risk losing everyone and everything that mattered to him in this life?

He had come to be a fierce ally for the LGBTQ+ community. In his mind, if he was never going to be able to come out himself, the gift he could offer the queer community - and others like him - was to make it easier for everyone else. His resolve was to make the world a safer, more inclusive and loving place.

No one should have to suffer as he - and countless others - had.

His writing became the space in which he could express his message of God’s universal love, acceptance, and adoration of every beautiful person:

“So be you - fully you -
A show-stopping revue. 
Live your life in full color, 
Every tint, every hue.
Discover. Explore!
Have faith but love more.
And learn and relearn all
That God made you for.”
(From When God Made You)

However, in 2020, after years battling the debilitating fog of cognitive dissonance and misalignment with himself, Matthew found himself in a dark night of the soul.

His true self was dying to be known. ​

And the only choice was a step in faith into the unknown of his truth. 

It just had to be.

In this vulnerable and revelatory season, yet again, the music was there to carry his soul through impossibly hard moments.

The soul-elevating hope of Wilson Phillips, “Hold On” was there:

“Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye
Until then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry?
Don't you know?
Don't you know, things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold... on for one more day”

And in the moments of deep fear and trembling prior to the therapy sessions, particularly in the face of rejection from his own family (who still to this day does not accept him) was the liberating mercies of saint Brandi Carlile and “The Joke,”:

“Let 'em laugh while they can
Let 'em spin, let 'em scatter in the wind
I have been to the movies, I've seen how it ends
And the joke's on them.”

The songs were ever present, in the quiet moments, in the car, in the liminal space of embrace and acceptance, through the trauma (and miraculous grace) of divorce from his wife, Jessica (who, to this day, gorgeously remains his best friend, confidant and co-parent).

The music was salvation.

A grace and invitation into his new self and new reality before he himself could even hold or comprehend it.

And the songs were even there in parenting.

Matthew recalls the formative moment where he and his daughter were bopping Taylor Swift’s, “Calm Down:”

“You just need to take several seats and then try to restore the peace
And control your urges to scream about all the people you hate
'Cause shade never made anybody less gay.”

The song was transformative for the both of them, healing for Matthew especially as he listened to his beloved daughter invoke the lyric in her own life for her father.​

THAT. Is. The transformative power of music.

Immense Gratitude

Today, Matthew wakes up putting both feet on the ground as his whole self.

Every day.

Every day is gift.

Every day is revelation.

Every day he learns a bit more about what being his true, liberated, authentic gay-self feels like.

And the redemption that blankets his life is nothing short of extraordinary.

He is thriving.

As an author, a dad, a friend, a partner, an activist, a voice in the wilderness.

Matthew uses his platform for the causes that are near to his heart - but now he does so as all of himself. 

As an out and proud gay man.

A witness and a testimony to countless thousands who have been inspired and empowered by his courage, grace, and the faith that he (and Jessica!) embody as a tremendous story of redemption. Of beauty from ashes.

Of the good that is possible in our lives when we let go of the masks, of the patterns and systems rooted in fear and control, and embrace all that we are for the world to see.

And music is essential in his ongoing transformation.

In retrospect, Matthew is now able to see the moments singing Jonatha Brooke, “Secrets and Lies” at the top of his lungs as an early glimpse into all that has come to pass for him. “Get it on the table,” was a window, and a critical refuge for a young, scared, closeted gay soul who would become the person to pen the words,

​“So be you - fully you -
A show-stopping revue. 
Live your life in full color, 
Every tint, every hue.”

And he lives each day with immense gratitude.

Fittingly, when asked about songs that he believes have changed the world, Matthew highlights “Thank U,” by Alanis Morrissette:

(Yes, hear that little electronic keyboard intro, we know you are!...)

“Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence…”

Alanis penned the seminal song after a transformative trip to India, that afforded her rich insight and wisdom about all of life’s experience, the good and the bad, the hard and the bliss, and the importance of gratitude in all things - which in turn shapes and forms the realities and opportunities set before us.

Having been to India himself, while working on the National Geographic documentary series, “The Story of God” (with Morgan Freeman!!), Matthew gets the journey Alanis is narrating on every level. But truly, it is the inward journey each of us must embark upon that is so resonant in his story, just as with her song.

And the bridge Alanis crafted is a perfect depiction of these depths:

“The moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down.”

Matthew has touched down.

He does so every day.

As his whole self.

And while this liberation is among the greatest gifts he has ever received, it is not only a gift to him - but to all of us.

Because Matthew being fully alive is exactly what the world needs.

The world needs each of us fully alive.

So here’s to YOU, reader. Beautiful you. May you take courage from Matthew’s story, from his transformation and liberation, and may you call that spirit into your own life. 

May you continue to seek in your heart and soul what it means to be “fully you, a show stopping revue.” And may you find the courage to embrace your whole self, first and foremost as the gift YOU deserve. But also for all of the ways you are made to SHINE radiantly for all to witness.

And may the music keep your spirit high in your becoming.

For More With Matthew!...

To listen to our full interview with Matthew, including his telling of all these transformative music experiences and MORE click here, look up (and follow!) the Ascent Radio Podcast on your preferred podcast provider, or download the FREE Ascent Radio App - available for both Apple and Android devices!

And if you haven’t yet, don’t forget to follow Matthew and all of his inspiring work on Instagram (@matthewpaulturner) and Facebook! (Matthew Paul Turner)

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